I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
