the day after is always just damage control
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
