I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
