Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
