OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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