I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
