Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
