Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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