so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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