i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The air was thick with penises
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
