It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
