You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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