He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You pole danced in your parka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
