Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
