somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
