so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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