Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Mom said you looked used
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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