no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
