tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
