I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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