I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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