You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
