Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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