I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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