just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
