Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
