Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
