He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
