these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dicks are not precious.
He did a backflip because drugs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
