Your tits are I can't wait for
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
