idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
