i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
