I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
