That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize