Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
