Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
