His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
