my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I didn't notice because vodka
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
