I met the friendliest cop last night
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
