Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
