her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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