"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
