so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How does one acquire holy water?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
