a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
