I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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