it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
