a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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