Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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