Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
