i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
NoShamevember. You game?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
