Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
