I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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