you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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