I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
