The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
