NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
