Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
