yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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