Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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