I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He kissed a someone with a penis
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
