i just wanna soil my oats bro
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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