you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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