I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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