So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
