I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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