My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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