just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize