She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
