Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
