I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
