someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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