He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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