We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
