this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
