On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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