u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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