I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
