I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize