I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We have so much sex to catch up on
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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